Why I Don’t Suffer from Mom Guilt
Mom Guilt. It’s an ongoing topic with mom’s. You feel bad because you couldn’t give your child something that they wanted. You feel bad because you couldn’t spend a certain amount of time with your children. You feel bad because you want to do something nice for yourself that doesn’t involve your children. I used to suffer from mom guilt. As a new mom, I didn’t buy myself anything new for three years. It wasn’t because I couldn’t afford to. It was because I always spent money on my infant and toddler who were born 18 months apart and they simply became my world. I believe it happens to all new moms. We are so focused on our new bundles of joy, that we forget about ourselves. As they grow older we get into this habit, and stay there. As soon as we want to break out of the habit, we guilt ourselves. I stopped guilting myself years ago.
Self Care is not Selfish
Self care comes in many different forms. On some days it’s a trip to the mall, and on other days it’s an appointment with your therapist. I try to practice self care daily in the form of prayer, meditation, journaling, listening to motivational podcasts, going for a walk, and taking my vitamins and supplements. You all know my mantra “You can’t be good to others if you aren’t good to yourself.” You cannot pour from an empty cup. Our children don’t need every moment of our time. What they do need, is quality, non-distracted moments when we do spend time with them. It’s those moments that matter more than doing as much as you can no matter what as a parent.
Balance
Balance is really hard, but achievable. As women we wear so many hats! Every day you’re a mommy, spouse, driver, employee, entrepreneur, friend, chef, and more. We’re doing a juggling act daily. At one time one thing in our lives will be getting more attention than another thing. Sometimes we create burnout because we simply aren’t taking a break or we aren’t delegating certain things in our lives. Delegation makes balance more achievable. I often hear stay at home moms complain about not having a sitter and this is why she can’t take time away from her children. HIRE A SITTER! At some point we have to trust someone other than us with our children to get a much needed break for our sanity. This includes adding a babysitter to your monthly budget. Tired of cleaning so much? HIRE A CLEANING SERVICE! Take some of the pressure off of yourself to make your life easier.
Mom Guilt isn’t healthy for you and it’s not healthy for your children. Society is currently raising a new generation of self entitled children because their parents are giving them their every desire. Don’t be that mom! Pour into yourself with self care so that you can pour love into your children in meaningful ways.
9 comments
Karen
April 3, 2018 at 7:06 amI completely agree. My husband helped me come to that point of realization. We have cleaners once per month. We definitely get a sitter when we need it, even trading off with two other families in our neighborhood.
Ashley
April 3, 2018 at 7:10 amKaren, that’s awesome that you have families you can trade off babysitting with! It takes a village!
AYEINA
April 3, 2018 at 11:25 amPour into yourself with self care so that you can pour love into your children in meaningful ways…
So true. We keep giving and giving until we have nothing to give – not to others, not to ourselves. And instead of feeling like a huge failure at that point, it’s always wise to realise before you hit that rock bottom!
Amisha
April 6, 2018 at 9:27 amAn amazing post. This is very helpful for mothers. Thank you for sharing your truth sis. I’ve experienced the mom guilt especially after my divorce. But had to remove that out of my life to be the best woman I could be for myself, my youth,my family and community . A new follower here!
Lidia
May 10, 2018 at 9:12 amGreat post ! The type of mom guilt I had was missing my little one . If would go somewhere I would rush back home so I could be with my baby . I never had a baby sitter ( nobody could take better care of my baby than me , also paranoia lol )and I was attached at the hip with my baby for the longest time . Even when she started Montessori. I did the co sleep thing and once she started school I realized it’s all me . Either I was filling some void or my anxiety was having the best of me but now I’m slowly letting go and doing the self care thing , guilt free and I’m weaning myself off being with her 24/7 so she can play with others and make friends and not be on the look out for mommy all the time
Kellie
July 2, 2018 at 4:01 pmMy girls are 2.5 and 1. Also 18 months apart :). I LOVE THIS. I’ve just discovered the importance of self care. Yeah…I hadn’t been doing it for a long time. About 2 years I would say. I think when you take care of yourself you’re teaching your children what it looks like to be a happy, healthy adult. If you wear yourself out for them, you’re putting a burden on them. It’s almost like you’re saying “I’m doing all of this for you. I’m letting myself go for you” then they have to live up to that somehow. No. Mom guilt shouldn’t be a “thing”. We do the best we can. If we’re taking care of us, we’re taking care of them.
LOVE your post <3 <3
Lea
July 19, 2018 at 2:15 amBeautifully said. I am loving your blog!
Ashley
July 22, 2018 at 3:28 pmThank you!!
LaTeisha Clément
March 13, 2019 at 1:07 amFirst of all, I love this! (Second of all, your style is amazing. third of all…) Mom Guilt is so real and I feel bad for even having it. But, hey. As you said, I am a new parent, and this is apparently a thing with us. My son is four and I am just now getting into more of a routine of doing little things for myself here and there. I vowed to not let myself go when I became a mom, as well as not losing myself. Can’t say I have always been successful at it, but, who’s perfect? Anyway, what stuck out to me, is that I should be spending quality time with my son, as opposed to being a distracted parent. Whew! I’m working on it. Thanks for posting.